Friday, September 25, 2009

Just One of Those Moods

Where you just kind of want to lock yourself away in your room with a cup of hot tea, a papasan chair, and a collection of pillows and chill with misery. I had a "I don't want to be here..." moment again today. I skipped my 3 o clock even though I knew we had a quiz. I just curled up in bed and slept the afternoon away.

But I'm not mad.

Or sad.

Or happy.

I'm just neutral I guess.

I think the extroversial part of me is screaming to get out at this moment.

Did I ever explain that I was a solitary extrovert? I think I might have in one blog, but who has time to go through all of them? Anywho, while I prefer to be alone, I can still have a great time when I'm with other people and sometimes I do want to be around people.

Right now is one of those times.

I miss how in McD the lot of us lived in the same building on the same floor. This year we're separated. And I'm in club. And while yes, these 6 weeks do hinder our friendship, I'm still trying to keep it afloat.

I kinda don't know what to think anymore.

I do know, for a fact, that I need to start talking to God more because I know he'll have the answers.

I want to dance barefoot.
I want to go draw for myself.
I want to draw for other people.
I want to have my house.
I want my cat, Sadie.
I want to live.
I want to be a stay at home mom.
I want to have an amazing husband.
I want to learn how to have more patience.
I want college to be over with and already have my degree.
I want a horse.
I want to go shopping and get an entirely new wardrobe.
I want to be myself.
I want to understand why it is I feel this negative...

I want to be happy again.


Veggy Christian said...

I feel neutral a lot. For me, I just feel like I just want to sit and do nothing. I don't want to think, I don't want to do anything, I just want everything to be ok and I'll be ok and we'll all be ok and it's ok to just sit and do nothing. Blah. I feel like I have a blank look on my face 70% of my life.

I hope you enjoyed your happy feeling for as long as you had it. I think one thing that will help is when you really start thinking about one truth: Christ is in you. To know that Christ is in you and that you are in Christ, that you are inseparable, that He will never leave you - when you realize that you have been reborn in the spirit with a heart that yearns deeply for Him - makes you want to talk to Him, spend time to Him, connect with Him and His Holy Spirit. When you understand that your purpose is to live by the Spirit and glorify Him, you will find that you are the most satisfied when you do what is pleasing to Him. It takes a lot of meditation to even get close to wrapping your mind around the idea that you are one with Christ and that His desires are your desires, and you just need to talk to Him and listen to Him to find out what it takes to make Him (and you) happy in a way that you feel deep inside your soul. So while you are drinking on your tea and curled up in your pillows, find the desires of Christ that are in your heart and follow them. And I'm sure you will find that one of those desires is to communicate with your Father, and so when you KNOW that prayer will make you happy, you will do it more often. :)

Hope you get some rest!

(And I miss McD too...)
(Hmm, my word this time is holylel... sounds like something else doesn't it?)

Sketched on a Canvas said...

I want everything to be okay, too. But this crazy world we live in isn't anywhere close to being Home. Sometimes I wish Christ would come so I wouldn't have to put up with this place anymore.

But I've got enough patience for that.

I love you so much Kaleigh, you don't even know. Sometimes I feel like you're one of the people I can go up to and be the weirdest around because that's my natural state.


I love being weird.

Because I'm being myself.